Advice for Chicks:

Don't imagine you can change a man, unless he's in diapers.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

Sadly, all men are created equal.

If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him "checkbooks!"

If they put a man on the moon ... they should be able to put them all up there.

If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

Remember a 'sense of humor' does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

Chicks don't make fools of men ... most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some chick miserable.

The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If you can smell your own perfume, you're killing everyone else.

Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

Go for younger men. You might as well ... they never mature anyway.

Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.

When in doubt -- buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17, and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why. If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey, George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "Okay. By the way, are you through with my 3/8" socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock .. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.

Never buy a man anything and then tell him he should read the instructions because the box says "some assembly required". It will ruin his Special Day. He will always have parts left over.

You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips and flips and flips. Forget the program, your entertainment is watching him have fun!

Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, Menards, Fleet Farms, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."

Tarps. Men love tarps. Big ones - at least 10 x 12 feet. Helps haul the leaves out to the street. Make sure it is green or brown to remind him of the batchelor pad days with brown carpeting and green table cloths.

All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwartzkopf.

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget... he didn't lose your number... he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.

Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.