ChicksWear.com ~ Clothing and More for Chicks~Jokes

A man is driving down a road. Two women were driving down the same road from the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the women lean out the window and yell "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out his window and yells "WITCH!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next curve he crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen!!!

A couple is walking in the park. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"

The woman says, "I'll miss you.",

He said, "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?"

She said, "Turn sideways and look in the mirror."

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor.

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "Michigan State."

And they say blondes are dumb....

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

The other night I was invited out for a night with "The Boys". I told my wife that I would be home by midnight - promise! Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way to easy. At around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another nine times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick and witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict. The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her 12 o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one! She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "Oh darn," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted."

He said, "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly."

She said, "Well, you succeeded."

He said, "Should we try swapping positions tonight?"

She said, "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I lay on the sofa and snore."

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th weddinganniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger....... Whoosh ....Immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!

A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her ex-husband is on the back of the milk carton, and
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

Men are like ........ Laxatives ......They irritate the poop out of you.

Men are like ........ Blenders ...... You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they're practicing to be men.

Men are like ........ Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.

WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(You need a rough draft before you make a final copy.)

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free......
You either married it or gave birth to it.

Men are like ........ Government Bonds ...... They take soooooo long to mature.

The trouble with some chicks is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?

Men are like ........ Mascara ...... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like ... newborn babies They're cute at first, but you get tired of cleaning up their mess.

Men are like ... computers.
Hard to figure out and never enough memory.

Men are like ........ Lava Lamps ...... Fun to look at but not very bright.

Men are like ... power tools They make a lot of noise, but it's hard to get them to work.

Men are like ... remote controls Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.

Men are like ... plungers.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.

Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

Men forget everything; women remember everything.That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

Men are like ... Place Mats, they only show up when there's food on the table

Men are like ... Crystal, some look real good, but you can still see right through them

Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

Men like phones with lots of buttons. They make them feel important.